Lyrics

I wear a white suit and I wear a white hat
And I drive my clean white truck right through your clean white neighborhoods

But I ain’t so clean inside
Don’t judge this book by its cover
This is just one of my disguises to fool all of your mothers

But if you fly the friendly skies you probably know my name
I’m the Mr. Softee Man

I do my best work in schoolyards around closing time
I’ve got a fourth grade bagman
I give him his dope for free

He’s quite the little salesman, so effectively discrete
On a good day I net five hundred bucks and you know that’s tax free

For attitude adjustment, you know who to call
Call the Mr. Softee Man

I’ve got sinsemilla, I’ve got genuine Thai weed
I’ve got blond Lebanese hashish, I’ve got anything you need

And for you heavy hitters, I’ve got speed and L.S.D.
And my prices are reasonable, but nothing comes for free

For attitude adjustment, I think you will agree
I’m the Mr. Softee Man

I am the bane of those P.T.A. watchdogs, I know they talk about me
I am the evil bender of young minds, I am the evil that goes unseen

Me I’m just a businessman and I’m satisfying a need
And if you’ve got a problem with that, I also sell ice cream

For attitude adjustment, you know who to call
Call the Mr. Softee Man

My business? I’m in sales. Recreation. Pools, gas grills, that sort of thing
I’ll be paying in cash … that isn’t a problem for you? Me neither.